You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
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I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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