It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
