i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is Oprah even human
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
