The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
