I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
