I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
