Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
