i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
