How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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