i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think your dad took our porno
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
