I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
they need to just BURY HIM!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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