I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
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You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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