Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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