I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
