i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
