mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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