Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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