im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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