Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
