Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
