he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
