Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
