I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
