Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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