A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
