Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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