I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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