I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
