Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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