Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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