so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
