Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
