Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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