sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
