i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
