So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
