aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
