Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
