Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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