her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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