That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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