Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
