i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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She told me I should be a condom model.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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