Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
