When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
