we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
