dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
