I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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