this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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