Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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