i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
