There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
