My friends, they love my intelligence
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
