Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
