I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
