When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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