Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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