I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
