One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
