His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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