I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
