K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize