Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
