I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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