naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
