Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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