Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
