38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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