Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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