can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
