Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
