I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
