I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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