the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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