im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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