at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
