I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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