I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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