So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
