So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
